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You moved through Stage 1 – Denial and now are in Celiac Diagnosis: Stage 2 – Anger. You’re pissed that you have to monitor everything you (or the people you care for) ingest, everything you put on your body, you now have to read every label or wait to eat/use something until you call the manufacturer to see if it has gluten.
Celiac Diagnosis: Stage 2 – Anger
After we moved out of the Denial Stage, we started to feel frustrated, irritated, and anxiety. Welcome to Stage 2 – Anger.
Parent View
Why did this happen to my daughter?
I asked myself, “Why did this happen to my daughter?” No parent wants their child to be anything other than “normal and healthy”. We didn’t want our daughter to have to struggle with what she eats, but that has become our new reality. Not to minimize her diagnosis or anyone else’s health issues, but there are worse things my daughter could have been diagnosed with. She does not need to take medication (other than occasional constipation) and it it is “easily (after time) to treat.
Why does GF food have to be so expensive?
Then I asked myself, “Why does GF food have to be so expensive?”. Our grocery bill increased by 50% overnight. I was frustrated and irritated that I had to change all my cooking habits; that we had to teach our family how to keep my daughter healthy and safe; and that we no longer to go out for dinner on a whim. As for the anxiety, well I already had a personal relationship with anxiety so that wasn’t really new for me and really had nothing to do with my daughter’s diagnosis; however, I was anxious that I would accidentally gluten my child.
Sometimes we feel like schmucks…
We still struggle with this from time to time. My husband really likes to do spur of the moment activities. It finally hit him on our last trip to Disneyland. On our way home, we left later than we had planned and didn’t have snacks. We stopped somewhere to pick up food and couldn’t find anything my daughter could eat. Yes, we stopped at another exit and was able to get something for her, but it was frustrating and sad. Especially when our daughter was apologizing. Seriously, she apologized! Like it was her fault or something, ugh. Talk about getting hit right in the feels and feeling like a schmuck. We, of course, told her it wasn’t her fault and not a big deal. It shouldn’t be that hard to feed your child something safe.
We plan better now, but we still make mistakes. We are human. Every day we try to do better than the next day. On the days that we don’t, we give each other grace and try and learn from the experience.
Child View
Our daughter was frustrated and irritated that she was different; that she could not eat some of her favorite foods (goodbye Buffalo Wild Wings); that she may never be able to stay overnight at a friends house; and now that she is teen – even kissing could make her sick if the person just ate gluten. It SUCKS for her, a lot!!! As for anxiety, I don’t know that she ever had any.
Even though our daughter got frustrated, she was a total rock star. She had a pity party (and still does from time to time) but it didn’t/doesn’t last long. She has done remarkably well dealing with her diagnosis. I do want to note, that we acknowledge her feelings (no matter how outrageous they may get) and talk through them. We don’t allow her to stay frustrated or irritated though. She has this disease and it isn’t going away. We have taught her to work through her feelings and learn to deal with her new reality.
She’s a teen, hormonal and moody. She can change moods faster than the wind changes direction. Some days she doesn’t even know why she feels the way she does. If your kiddo gets moody after being fine with the diagnosis, talk with them. Don’t dismiss it, make sure they are dealing with their feelings, even if they don’t know where they are coming from.
Our daughter is amazing. I know I am biased, but she could be fighting us every step of the way and she hasn’t. I think it speaks more to her gracious personality than it does our parenting, but I do know that we don’t “allow” the negativity. If she chooses to eat things that she knows will make her sick, she still goes to school. Yep, I’m that parent – individual accountability. She HAS to learn. I won’t always be there. I do harp probably more than I should (parent of a teen, it happens).
All in all, she is one of the kindest people that I know, basically, my grandmother reincarnated. She struggles at times because we all struggle at times. She wonders “why her” and I can’t answer that. What I can tell her is that she will get through this and be able to live a good life.
After we dealt with our anger, we moved onto bargaining.
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